Dear Dr. Wallace:
I’m 17 and have been dating a guy for over four months, and we are very sexually active. He uses protection, but sometimes he runs out of them and we have sex anyway. He wants to have sex every time we’re together, and that’s usually four times a week. Every time we go out, even if it’s to a party, we never stay very long because we always wind up in the back seat of his car. I’m told we need to stop this before I accidentally get pregnant, but he says we can’t because he is addicted to my love.
Whenever I tell him I don’t want to have sex, he gets mad and says I should just leave him because I don’t love him. I always give in because I really do love him. The other day, I asked him what would happen if I became pregnant, and he said that it would be my problem.
This really worries me, and I want to know what you think I should do.
— In Love and Worried, Davenport, Iowa
Dear In Love And Worried: You should be worried; you’re playing Russian roulette. You will become pregnant sooner than you think if you continue to have unprotected sex. Your boyfriend is simply addicted to sex and, based on your letter, probably doesn’t truly love you. At the very least, he is not looking out for your best interests the way a relationship partner should. If he really cared for you, he would never tell you that if you got pregnant, it would be your problem.
You’re caught up in a downward spiral that may lead to misery. I suggest you move on from this relationship before it’s too late.
Tell this “Romeo” that the sex game is over. There is no room for negotiation. You must stop seeing him if he does not accept your terms. This may be painful because you care so much for him, but sometimes in life we have to cut our losses. As of now, you are definitely playing a losing hand.
A healthy relationship is impossible unless love is mutual. If you continue to love a person who neither loves you nor respects you, happiness will never be yours. Relationships built only on premarital sex rarely succeed. You deserve much more, and at your young age, you will have many more chances to find true love. Please stop with this risky behavior immediately. You simply do not have a good foundation, and you’re taking quite a large risk of an unwanted pregnancy.
Dear Dr. Wallace: I’m an 18-year-old guy who needs a little advice. When I was younger, one of my best friends was a girl. We did a lot together, and when she moved to Chicago when we were both 13, I was sad. We kept in touch at first, but eventually the phone calls and letters stopped.
Last week, while at our local mall, I was flabbergasted when I saw her in one of the stores with her mom! She said her family moved back from Chicago a few weeks ago because her father got a promotion here in Springfield.
We are both in the 12th grade, but we do not attend the same high school. I would really like to take her out sometime, but I don’t want her to say no and thus shatter the relationship we have only slightly renewed. What do you suggest?
— Looking for
Dear Looking: Don’t waste any more time on small talk. Go ahead and ask her out! Perhaps start with a very casual event to begin with, like asking her to help you shop for a relative’s gift at this same mall. While there, you can talk further with her and buy her a lunch at the food court to gain more one-on-one time. If all goes well at lunch, ask her to go on a more formal date. Good luck to the both of you.