I’m 21, and my girlfriend is 19. We live together and both have good jobs. We get along great, but there’s one issue that she hounds me over constantly — her concern about my beer drinking! Yes, I’ll quaff a beer or two after work most days, but that’s it. And on the weekends when my guy friends come over, I rarely drink more than three beers a day, and that’s over several hours at a barbecue, for example.
My girlfriend does not drink alcohol at all, and she does not want to even try it. Her father passed away, but before he did, he was apparently an alcoholic, so this is always on her mind when it comes to drinking. And my drinking is limited to only beer! I don’t do shots. I don’t drink whiskey or wine or anything else at all, just a few harmless cold beers after a hard day at work. I admit that I do drink a bit more in the summertime when it’s hot, but I’m never out of control when it comes to my drinking. You could say that I control my beer consumption, and it does not control me in the least bit. I can literally take it or leave it at any time, but I really like a few on a hot summer day. Can you please tell my girlfriend that I’m not in the same class of drinker as her father was?
— Under control, via email
Dear Under Control: I will not tell her any such thing. It’s disrespectful for you to compare yourself to her deceased father, especially when it comes to alcohol. And as for you, it could well be that you’re “in control” for now, but that definitely does not mean that you’ll automatically stay under control your whole life by any means.
I’ve received literally thousands of letters over the decades that told me tales of woe whereby a bit of “mild drinking” in one’s teen years or early 20s morphed into a huge problem down the road. And I’ve also had letters tell me brutally awful stories that involved only beer. Many such letters expressed surprise that avoiding hard alcohol did not save them from trouble at all. In the end, alcohol is alcohol, and the particular method by which it is consumed matters much less than the volume and frequency of its consumption.
I advise that you respect your girlfriend and cut down your drinking dramatically. Seek to imbibe only on special occasions rather than making it a daily habit.
Write to Dr. Wallace at rwallace@galesburg.net.
