Jose is 19, and I am 18. We fell in love a year ago. At that time, Jose and I planned to get married. I have good grades, but I don’t want to go to college. I want to be a wife and a mother. Jose works for his uncle repairing automobiles. He is good at his job and earns enough money to support a family. I will graduate from high school this coming June.
I had been planning to attend a community college for accounting and then, if all went well, transfer to a university, but love got in the way. My parents are unhappy that I will not be attending college because they are both professionals. My dad is a college professor, and my mother is a principle of an elementary school.
Dr. Wallace, this guy is my true love, and he feels the same way about me. We have our minds made up and nothing short of death will change our decision. Do you see anything that could be wrong with Jose and I becoming husband and wife?
— Maria, San Antonio, Texas
Dear Maria: I see nothing wrong with marrying Jose after you graduate as long as your marriage won’t disintegrate due to financial hardship. But I would also urge you not to give up on college. Marriage doesn’t bar you from taking college courses and pursuing a degree. If Jose is against this, I can understand your parents concern. I hope this isn’t the case. If he’s supportive of your educational pursuits, you might be able to accomplish two of your dreams simultaneously. Since you are both quite young, you will have many prime years in which to start a family. Having a college degree could be a great asset to help support your growing family at some point in the future.
Dr. Wallace: I’m 18 and in very much in love with my guy, who is 19. My parents really liked him at first and thought he was the perfect guy for me. He attended a lot of our family functions, and my dad would sometimes call him “son,” as in son-in-law.
About three months ago, my guy and I got into a deep conversation about how much we love each other, and we decided we love each other more than any other two people on earth — and that’s a lot of love. We agreed that having a baby conceived in the passion of this love would be the ultimate love expression to each other. We were waiting for the right moment to have this child.
About a week ago, my guy wrote me a note and said that the time had come for us to have our love baby. Well, my grandmother found the note on the floor by my bedroom. She told my parents and they went berserk!
To make a very emotional and long story short, I’m not allowed to see my guy ever again — and I’ve been grounded for three months. If I am caught even talking to him, my parents have promised to send me to live with my sister in San Francisco.
I need some serious advice. I love my guy and he loves me, and that’s the way it is. As soon as I graduate from high school, we are going to get married.
— Anonymous, Fresno, Calif.
Dear Anonymous: Your plan to have a baby as the “ultimate” love expression was unwise and displayed extreme immaturity on the part of both you and your boyfriend. Being an unwed mother would present you and your guy with a multitude of serious problems.
Forget about being a mother until you are married and have the maturity to fulfill this highly important role effectively.
In the meantime, your love will have to wait. You have no other choice than to obey your parents. San Francisco is a wonderful city, but I’m sure that you prefer staying with your school friends in Fresno.
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