Dear Dr. Wallace:
I’m 18 years old, and my girlfriend broke up with me because she said she needed her space. She said I was “smothering” her with my constant cooing in her ear and my flowery poems that I wrote for her. Yes, I’m a romantic, but I see myself as a harmless romantic. She actually told me as she was breaking up with me that she felt my desire for her was so “over the top” that it was creepy and scared her.
I’ll admit that I’ve been in love with this girl for years, even though we only ended up dating for two months. Our breakup was very hard on me since I saw her as my dream girl and future wife. I even had the names of our kids picked out, and I guess I made the mistake of telling this to her.
Last week, I called and told her I felt I could calm down and act more normal around her if she would just give me another chance. But she would have none of it, and she told me it was too late and that she wanted to move on.
What should I do now? Do you think I can get her back? I find I’m spending all of my free time now trying to think of a way to get her to reconsider.
— Super Smitten, via email
Dear Super Smitten: I highly doubt it. I would say it’s a near certainty she won’t come back as long as you hold on to such intense feelings about her.
Let her go, and get on with your life. Get involved. Join some clubs, and have activities planned. The worst thing you can do is wonder about how you might scheme to win her back; you must come to realize that she is not thinking of you.
The best thing you can do is to learn from this experience and find a few new girls to date. And when you do, please learn to give them some space, and try not to come on too strong. You already know how that works out.
It’s fine to be nice, loyal and respectful, but do not make any assumptions, and don’t project your current status into a three- or five-year plan once you’ve met someone new.