Dear Dr. Wallace:
My cousin got married recently, and I was a bridesmaid. A guy I just started dating was the groom’s best man, so we headed off together to attend the wedding, and we had a fun time. We have now gone out together twice since this wedding. We had a great time on the first date with the standard movie and coffee.
However, after starting out well, our second date was a disaster: No, he didn’t make a pass at me, but it was worse! On the way home from the party, he got into an argument about a fender bender with another driver, which ended up in a fistfight. A highway patrol officer stopped and arrested both drivers. The fight caused a traffic problem on a major Southern California freeway, and both cars were towed away. I called my sister on my cell, and she picked me up at the police station. The officer was nice enough to give me a ride there.
This is going to end my very short relationship with a guy I liked a lot. But his unexpected, violent behavior was uncalled for and really frightened me. My sister, who has a hot temper herself, said that he’s cute and I should give him one more chance to show me that this is not his typical behavior. She says that anyone can get upset driving on Southern California freeways. I realize that it is often difficult to drive these freeways, but an inner voice tells me I’m doing the right thing by refusing to go out with this guy again. Is my inner voice correct here?
— Nonviolent girl, Chula Vista, California
Dear Nonviolent Girl: You did the right thing. Leaving you alone in a car while fighting with another motorist is unforgivable. His primary responsibility on the date was to get you home on time, safe and sound. He didn’t do that.
It’s possible that your sister and this young man might enjoy each other’s company, but if so, tell her to make sure she does the driving. As for you, yes, my advice is to listen carefully to your inner voice.
Dear Dr. Wallace: I’m 16 and so is my boyfriend, and we love each other. Last week, he found out that he will be moving to Ireland because his dad is being transferred to Dublin for work. He’ll be moving at the beginning of the summer.
He wants us to continue being a couple and not date other people. He says he will be returning to Boston when he is 18. All my friends are telling me to stay true to him because he’s such a great guy, but I don’t think I want to sit home and wait for two years before I even see him again. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. I’d really be upset if I agreed to wait for him and he stopped contacting me or he emails me that he met this “wonderful Irish girl.”
I’m really leaning towards telling him to have a full social life in Ireland and I’ll do the same in Boston. I’ll tell him I love him and if we both feel the same way about each other when he returns, we can renew our relationship then. I think you will likely agree with me here, but I’ll feel much better if I see your confirmation in writing.
— About to be lonely, Boston
Dear About To Be: You are a very wise and mature young lady. I agree with you, 100 percent. At your ages, continuing a regular social life is normal and healthy. If in two years you both find yourselves longing to get back together, you likely will — at least for a period of time.
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