Dear Dr. Wallace:
I’m a 16-year-old girl and consider myself attractive, popular and fun-loving. I make friends easily, especially boyfriends.
Presently, I’m dating a guy who is 22, and despite our age difference, we get along great except for one thing — sex. You see, I dated his two younger brothers, and I was sexually involved with each of these boys (separately, of course). I thought the sex would keep them, but both of them dropped me after they got tired of me.
My new boyfriend isn’t pressing me for sex, but he knows I had sex with his two brothers and keeps asking me about those relationships. He continually wants to know all about the details: How many times did we do it? Where? Did we use birth control? It’s really making me uncomfortable.
I told him that I want to forget the past and look forward to the future, but he continually brings it up. I realize I made a mistake when I had sex with his brothers, but I didn’t consider myself a loose person. I’ve only been with one other guy physically before these brothers.
Whenever my new guy gets mad at me, he brings up my sexual habits with his brothers, and sometimes he calls me things that aren’t too nice to hear.
Please tell me what I can do to make him forget about my past.
— Too Much Info,
Too Much Info: You are in a no-win situation. First, this guy is much too old for you, and if he did have sex with you, he would be sent behind bars for the crime of statutory rape.
Stop seeing this man immediately. It’s just a matter of time before he gets sexually aggressive. By dumping him now, you could save him jail time and yourself a lot of grief. I’m sure you are now aware that a sexual relationship on your part at such a young age is a sure way to cause a relationship to disintegrate. Learn from your past errors. Attractive, fun-loving girls don’t need the sex game to be popular. Find a young man who enjoys you for your personality, good qualities and friendship. There are plenty of young men near your age who would be happy to date you without pressuring you for sex.
Dear Dr. Wallace: My mother and I shared promises. Mom promised that if I received no grade lower than a B, I could go to a basketball clinic held near the University of Michigan in late August of this summer. I promised to do my best in the classroom.
I play basketball for our school and will be a senior in the fall. The clinic goes for a week, and several college coaches will be there to conduct drills, network and meet good high school players. I was really looking forward to it because I could learn a lot and it would help me to be a better player. The total cost for food, the dorm room and the clinic fee was $250.
My final grades were five B’s and one A. I really studied extra hard because I wanted to go to this basketball clinic. When I showed my mom my grades, I was one happy young lady. Twenty seconds later, I was crushed.
I’d like your comments, please. It’s too late for me to go to the clinic because it’s past the deadline for enrollment.
— Hoops Girl, Detroit
Dear Hoops Girl: In my humble opinion, I believe your mother made a big mistake. Promises — especially by parents — must be kept at all times unless something unforeseen derails them. If Mom felt she had to purchase new tires for her car, she should have found a way to have the funds available for you to attend the basketball clinic.
If you had known early enough that money was an issue, perhaps you could have found a part-time summer job to earn the money you needed. This is a tough learning experience for each of you ladies.