Dear Dr. Wallace:
My current boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year now. I love him a lot! He’s graduated from high school already and is attending a university about 40 miles from our mutual hometown.
We plan to continue our relationship without interruption, and I also plan to attend his same university next year as I’m currently a senior in high school.
My guy wants to be a high school coach; that’s his number one goal. He’s aiming to become a physical education teacher during regular school hours so that he can be both a teacher and a coach eventually.
For my career, I’m leaning toward teaching elementary school, specifically kindergarten, so if we ever do get married, I feel our jobs would be a perfect fit. We would be able to travel on vacations over the summer since both of our schedules would be clear at the same time.
So, everything about my future seems to be in alignment, but there’s one huge issue that we have not resolved yet: sex and sexual activity! My man knows that I have never been sexually active and that I’m planning to save myself for marriage in that department.
But these days, I’m not sure how long my plan will last since he’s recently been pressuring me to have sex. He hinted around a bit on this topic when we were both high school students, but now that he’s a big, bold college student, he’s really putting the “full-court press” on me quite regularly. Yes, right now I am a virgin, but I really don’t believe that I will remain a virgin all my life. While one side of me wants to wait for marriage to become sexually active, there are times that I don’t see any reason not to have sex with the guy I love and to hopefully someday become his bride.
I’m writing to you because I know you will almost certainly tell me to keep my virginity until I am married, and this is likely what my subconscious needs to hear one more time. Have I predicted your answer in advance? Please let me know either way.
— Waffling over my
principles, via email
Dear Waffling Over My Principles: Over the decades, I’ve received hundreds, if not thousands, of letters and emails from young women who’ve expressed regrets over giving in to starting sexual activity before they were certain this was a decision they fully believed in. The reasons for their concerns and reservations vary across a wide spectrum, but their remorse and regrets fall into a tight and narrow band indeed.
Many of these letters outlined psychological and physical issues and problems that subsequently arose because they entered sexual relationships before they truly knew they were ready for the responsibilities, implications and overall results of their decisions.