Dear Dr. Wallace:
You told a girl to dump her boyfriend who was hooked on drugs. That was a lousy thing to say. The only way this guy is going to give up his habit is through his friends and family, with his girlfriend being the most important influence. If the girl took your advice, this poor guy might just continue to throw his life away.
I was addicted to cocaine but overcame my addiction with the help and love of my family and friends. In my situation, my boyfriend’s love did the trick. Today, I am a registered nurse, married and the mother of two lovely children.
— Been There,
Dear Been There: It will be a rare day when I encourage a young lady to continue a relationship with a guy who is addicted to drugs. His family and friends should give the support that he needs, and if a girl wants to be compassionate under those circumstances, I suggest she give support as an ex-girlfriend.
Dear Dr. Wallace: This is in response to the boy who is 18 and has never been on a date. I’m a girl in my late teens, and I, too, have never been on a date. I used to be very reserved, and I never really wanted to go out with anyone. Now, however, it really bothers me. I don’t know what could change, but I would really like to try going out with someone special. However, I’m always afraid that no one will ask me out. I will admit I am not the most attractive girl in the world, but I have my good features, and I figure I am about in the middle of the pack when it comes to looks. I would like to date someone who I know has a lot of respect for me as a person, not just someone looking for a girl with model looks.
I do have a lot of single male friends. But, again, I’m not sure they would ask me out one on one. What can I do besides be myself?
— Anonymous, Ventura, California
Dear Anonymous: The time has come for you to take advantage of the fact that many guys share your friendship!
Invite your male friends, one by one, to go out with you (even for a casual cup of coffee). And since you are already friends, it could easily lead to another meeting — a movie or a sports event. Be yourself, and I promise that you will be enjoying a closer relationship with one of them when the timing is right. It is likely that you will not have to ask too many before you receive a yes.
Dear Dr. Wallace: One of my good friends just broke up with her boyfriend. Last night, he called me and said that he would like to go out with me. I was flattered that he asked me out because he is very cute and popular and, secretly, I’ve always wanted to go out with him. What should I do? Of course, my friend is not aware that her ex called me! For the moment, it’s a secret.
— Flattered Friend,
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Dear Flattered Friend: In most cases, you are risking losing a friend if you date the guy your friend recently broke up with. Talk with her, and explain that her ex has called, and he asked you out. Then ask her opinion. If she asked you not to go out with him, then you will surely lose her friendship if you do. From there, it’s your call; do you want to trade your close friendship with your girlfriend for one date with this boy? Yes, you might continue a relationship, but, then again, it could also be a one-time date.
If she says she doesn’t care, or even encourages you to go out with him, you probably will not lose her friendship if you go on the date. The next move is now up to you.