I was deeply hurt after going to a barbecue at my oldest daughter’s home. It was to celebrate my granddaughter’s fourth birthday. My daughter’s husband is from Thailand. He barbecued beautiful dishes of shrimp and something that looked like a gigantic crawfish. While my daughter is accustomed to and enjoys this food, she and her husband are aware that I, my husband, her sister and her niece are not accustomed to it. We simply do not like the flavor and texture.
When I asked my daughter if there were any hot dogs they could grill, at least for my 9-year-old granddaughter, she got angry and said she eats what her husband cooks. I felt our part of the family was not even being considered. I was hurt for my youngest daughter and my other granddaughter, who had literally nothing to eat that they would even remotely like. Am I wrong for feeling ignored being invited to a barbecue where my daughter knew all the food being offered were things we wouldn’t like?
— Ruined My Appetite
Dear Ruined: I do think you are blowing this out of proportion. I assume you have been invited to your daughter’s and son-in-law’s before, and knew her husband does the cooking. Before coming over, you should have asked if it would be all right to bring a few traditional American dishes with you for the children.
If your offer was refused, you could have skipped the barbecue. That said, look at the big picture. It was only one afternoon. I assume the kids were taken out for burgers or hot dogs afterward, and no serious harm was done.