Dear Dr. Wallace:
I am 18 and dating a guy who is 19. We’ve been dating for about six months. I care for him, but there are times when his behavior bothers me. One minute he is sweet, kind and considerate. Then something triggers him and he threatens me, uses bad language toward me and even sometimes calls me an “idiot.” It’s almost like he has a split personality.
Last weekend, he told me he wanted me to dye my hair red because redheads turn him on. I have “dishwater” blond hair and really don’t want red hair, so I just kind of ignored his request. Well last night, he told me, “Hey, I said I wanted you to dye your hair red!” The tone of his voice kind of scared me because he sounded pretty harsh, and now I’m really confused. If I dye my hair, he might soon make another demand of me that I wouldn’t like; plus, I’d be setting a precedent of always doing what he tells me to do, even when it comes to my personal appearance. Is there anything I can do to calm him down? What is your advice?
Dear Anonymous: It appears your boyfriend suffers from a “possessive personality” and needs professional help. Regardless of his personality, this guy is a loser. Keep your “dishwater” blond hair, dump this guy immediately and don’t look back. Nobody has the right to demand that a girlfriend (or boyfriend!) change her or his hair color. Falling into this trap will only lead to further demands that may make you uncomfortable. His behavior overall is appalling. Get out now.