Among reports filed with police:

Really

1900 block of Tillman Avenue: Verbatim from the city police logs: “Male was upset because his mother bought the wrong kind of beer and cigarettes.”

Police Assist

2900 block of Albany Street: A young lady was out galavanting around town, against her mother’s wishes. Mom called the cops. Police made a traffic stop, which turned up the errant youngster. Police took the girl home to her mom.

2800 block of Ellis Street: A guy knocked on a woman’s door, demanding the prompt return of his dolly. She did not know what the heck he was talking about and called police to intervene. It turns out the guy loaned his dolly to the residence’s previous owners, who had long since moved. That was news to the guy. Unnerved by his effrontery, the woman asked police to issue the man a trespass warning just the same.

Probably Not the Girl for You

3400 block of Hardee Avenue: A woman paid a visit on a man. She broke his XBox gaming device. She swiped all the meat in his freezer. Then she walked right out his door. The man told his sad tale to the cops.

— Larry Hobbs

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