Among reports filed with police:

Arrests

3600 block of Hardee Avenue: So this guy is over at his neighbor’s house, indulging in adult libations with the man and his wife. Then he excuses himself to use the can. As soon as he steps out of the bathroom, the man hauls off and punches him. For no apparent reason. Police took the 58-year-old hostile host to jail, charged with simple battery.

101 Twelfth Street: A grown woman was hanging out at the gazebo along the waterfront near the St. Simons Island Lighthouse, cussing like a sailor in front families and children — “F” word and all. Police took the 32-year-old Roswell woman to jail, charged with public drunkenness.

2500 block of Norwich Street: A hooligan accosted a man on the street in broad daylight, pummeled him and robbed him. City cops tracked down the 38-year-old brigand and threw him in jail, charged with robbery.

U.S. Highway 341 and Cary Street: Somebody crashed a motorcycle in front of the Larry’s Giant Subs around midnight, then left it there in the roadway. Motorcycle parts were strewn across the street and the running lights were still on when a patrol officer came across the mess. Police eventually found the bike’s 25-year-old driver, who went to jail for DUI and failure to report an accident.

Albany and F streets: Police stopped a vehicle of a traffic violation and took its driver to jail, charged with DUI.

200 Mall Blvd.: A kid walked into the Belk store, stuffed away a pair of Nike shorts and tried to walk back out. Nice try. A security guard saw the whole thing and police took the 17-year-old boy to jail, charged with shoplifting.

127 Mall Blvd.: Two kids tried to stuff some Belk clothing inside the clothes they wore, but it did not fly. A store security guard nabbed them; the oldest, a 17-year-old boy, went to jail for shoplifting.

4500 block of Altama Avenue: One day a college student’s bicycle turns up missing, the next day he sees some chump riding around town on it. He calls the cops, who locate both the bike and the bike thief. Video surveillance provided by campus cops shows the bike bandit in action, sealing the case. Police took him to jail.

U.S. Highway 17 and Stacy Street: A patrol officer stopped a vehicle for a traffic violation and got a strong whiff of pot upon walking up to it. A subsequent search of the vehicle turned up more than just pot. The 32-year-old driver went to jail for possession of felony dope — and, of course, driving an unregistered vehicle on a suspended license while violating felony probation.

650 Glynn Isles: When a patrol car cruised through the Target parking lot, an outlaw tried to make himself scarce inside his vehicle. He turned out to be a wanted man out of Florida, and the vehicle was reported stolen from the Sunshine State. Police took the 24-year-old to jail, charged with two counts of theft by bringing stolen property across state lines and also charged as a fugitive from justice.

Legacy Apartment Homes: A ruckus started in this apartment complex when a guy in a red shirt named Philip swiped another guy’s cellphone. Police arrived and learned that Philip had bigger problems than cellphone theft. The 29-year-old reprobate went to jail for escape, lying to police, two misdemeanor arrest warrants and one warrant for violation of parole.

6033 Habersham St.: A malcontent broke off pieces of the door frame on the side building of Coastal Hardware. Police arrived and took the 38-year-old to jail, charged with criminal damage to property and terroristic threats.

Brunswick: Police stopped a vehicle for a traffic violation, only to find that a guy inside the car was carrying a handgun “with a scratched off serial number,” the report said. Police took the 23-year-old to jail, charged with criminal use of a gun with an altered identification.

Theft

McIntyre Court Apartments: This woman talked a guy into giving her a ride to work in his vehicle. So when he gets there, she comes up with some tripe about already being so late for her arrival that she would have to reschedule. When the guy let his guard down, she swiped the man’s keys and drove off in the vehicle with a conspicuous disregard for his consent to do so. Police reported the vehicle stolen.

1 Torras Landing: A person brought $200 worth of new clothes to wash at a laundry room. The wash cycle went fine, then the person put them in the dryer and stepped away for a bit. “When they returned to retrieve the clothing from the dryer, the clothes were gone,” the report said.

Burglary

3838 Community Road: Bandits shoved open the front door of an auto detail business and absconded with a red electric pressure washer. Police are investigating.

— Larry Hobbs

More from this section

It’s hard to succeed when you’re playing by the rules and the other guy’s cheating. The sense of unfairness that causes football fans this time of year to rage at their television screens is a real matter when it comes to the seafood industry.

Take a back entrance to the Glynn Place Mall, cut through a side door into the lobby of the Embassy Suites hotel, walk up a flight of stairs and you enter the inner sanctum of Unified Command.