Among reports filed with police:


Glyndale Circle: On a recent afternoon, a woman beat her boyfriend with a broom stick, threatened to kill him with a knife and delivered a knockout punch to the guy’s mom. Apparently, this all started because she was late for a court date. She was due in court to face charges of battery. The woman told police she became angry because he hit the brakes too hard and caused her to spill coffee on her “court attire.” But the guy, his mom and another guy told a different story. She went ballistic before they ever left his house, the guy said. He tried to call the girlfriend’s mom to help calm her down, but “she began striking him from behind.” Then “it escalated to the broom,” after which she chased him out of the house with a knife. The boyfriend’s mom arrived, intervening on her son’s behalf. The girl “punched her in the face, causing her to fall and black out,” police said. While police were sorting through it all, the woman locked herself in the home. The other guy had a key and let police in. The woman was trying to climb into the attic. Police took her to jail, charged with aggravated assault and two counts of battery.

1900 block of Ellis Street: During a purely platonic argument between a woman and a man, the woman smacked the man in the face and bonked him in the back of the head. Yep, the male told responding police, that’s pretty much what happened. That’s about the size of it, the woman agreed. Police took the 20-year-old woman to jail, charged with misdemeanor simple battery.

Palm Club Apartments: A punk had a snootful at a party, so much so that his ex-girlfriend was concerned enough to follow him as he stumbled outside into the night. Words were exchanged “and he slapped her in the face,” police reported. Then he fell down. When she came to help him up, he “began hitting her.” Police took the jerk to jail, charged with battery.


1600 block of Lond Street: Reprobates hit twice in the middle of the night, chunking bricks through the windows of a home. “The complainant stated he does no know why this would happen, nor who it could be,” the police report said.

Good Citizen

3000 block of Norwich Street: A man in a hurry hopped in his car and drove away, leaving his wallet on the hood. A good citizen later came across the missing wallet and turned it over to police. That wasn’t so hard, now was it?

— Larry Hobbs

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