Among reports filed with police:
1700 block of Fountain Lake Drive: An alert citizen called the cops about a hooligan skulking around after dark, rummaging through folks’ vehicles. He made a run for it when the cops arrived. Police gave chase. The man was subsequently apprehended. Police took the 39-year-old scofflaw to jail on a slew of charges, including three counts of stealing from an automobile, willful obstruction of the law, loitering and prowling — all of which broke conditions of his parole.
Demere Road and Island Square Driver: A guy in a Volkswagen Passat rolled through a red light while making a right onto Frederica Road from Redfern Village Drive. In the process, he cut off a patrol cop on Frederica who had the green light. The Volkswagen driver swerved all over the lanes going through roundabout up ahead before the officer could pull him over. The 27-year-old went to jail, charged with failure to obey traffic devices and DUI.
101 Gloucester Street: A jerk stole a woman’s cellphone at Mary Ross Park, so she called the cops. Police found the scoundrel hiding under the park’s waterfront docks, hot phone in hand. Police took the 37-year-old phone filcher to jail, charged with theft.
1300 block of Fairway Oaks: A surly man walked onto a neighbor’s property and threw something at a vehicle’s windshield. The property owner captured the whole thing on surveillance video, which he gladly shared with responding officers. The 71-year-old irascible intruder went to jail, charged with disorderly conduct.
2423 Newcastle St.: A man walked into an establishment, brandished a firearm, pointed the business end of it at a clerk and demanded cash. When all was said and done, the rube robber left the establishment empty handed. Also, he dropped an ammo magazine on the floor in his haste. Police are investigating.
Hold the McPepper Spray
4545 Altama Ave.: An irate McDonald’s patron used pepper spray on an employee to vent customer dissatisfaction. The customer also “began throwing things in the business,” police learned. Said customer was long gone when police arrived.
That’s Not Funny
1400 block of Newcastle Street: Verbatim from the city police nightshift report: “Caller reported a male walking around wearing a hockey mask and carrying an axe. Officer located the male, and it was found to be a joke.”
403 Butler Drive: A woman called the cops after midnight to report that a guy had smacked her in the face, leaving her “very bloody” and in need of EMS treatment. Police could not find the woman, but they located a guy fitting the description of the alleged aggressor. Man, did he look beat up: “blood on his face with scratch marks around his nose and blood on his shorts,” police reported. No arrests were made.
Glynnvilla Apartments: Police who were responding to reports of gunfire found eight spent shell casings in the area. There was no sign of property damage or injuries.
3915 U.S. Highway 17: A guy parked his 2010 silver Dodge Charger out in front of the One Stop convenience store in the late afternoon. He left it there five minutes, tops. That was long enough for a lousy thief to drive away in it.
1919 U.S. Highway 17: A shirtless shyster was flagging down cars in the Lanier Plaza and trying to bum money. Responding police told him to move along and cut it out. He left.
1703 Gloucester St.: A guy paid up in full his outstanding bill with the water and sewer utility. But he used phony Franklins to pay it up, leaving before clerks could confront him about the counterfeit $100 bills.
1700 block of Albany Street: What am I going to do with these two blockheads, a woman asked police. They come up and slept on her porch, she said. She has asked them nicely not to sleep on her porch, but the dozing duo still came back. Police issued the two sleepyheads written trespass warnings, meaning they will end up sleeping it off in jail if they return to the woman’s porch.
— Larry Hobbs