Among reports filed with police:

Curious

Glynn Plaza: A guy walked into the Walmart Neighborhood Market in the evening time with a machete strapped around his neck, possibly a work tool. But he had a flash light too, and he was shining it in other customers’ faces. City cops showed up and “escorted him off of the property at the request of the manager,” police reported.

The Nerve

Osborne Street: Verbatim from city police reports: “Male and female in an argument because the male gave some of the female’s belongings away while she was in jail. Situation mediated.”

Arrests

Charity Circle: A resident found a woman sleeping inside a white Kia Soul on her property after midnight. Police were summoned before noon the next day, and the incident was settled without incident. But the loafing lady returned that afternoon, demonstrating an attempt to make herself at home there. Responding police instead gave the 30-year-old accommodations in the pokey, charged with aggravated stalking.

4192 Norwich St. Extension: An evening squabble at the Citgo elevated to the point of police intervention, but one man’s incivility extended to the responding cops. That 25-year-old rabble rouser found himself in jail, charged with disorderly conduct.

Godley Road and Ga. 99: A man’s collision course with calamity hit its mark late at night at this intersection. Cops found his 2015 Kia Optima in the middle of road, looking worse for the wear and tear of impact. Police put the 36-year-old dastardly dude in jail for aggravated assault, willful obstruction of the law, driving with a suspended license, illegal parking, possession of pot, open container of alcohol and, of course, DUI.

North Deerfield Drive: A man and a woman had overstayed their welcome at a woman’s pool house, having resided there for eight months. Extracting the two drifters from the pool house would necessitate an eviction notice, the cops explained. Then, a quick check revealed that both were outlaws. The 41-year-old woman went to jail on an active warrant for violation of probation and the 32-year-old man was jailed on warrant for failure to appear in court.

4800 block of College Park: An infuriated female raised such a row that cops were summoned to intervene in the middle of the day. She was less than receptive to their attempts at appeasement, responding in kind with aggression. The 37-year-old woman went to jail for disorderly conduct.

Odyssey Lake Apartments: A nighttime dustup at the apartments warranted police presence. Police ended up taking a 39-year-old man to jail for three counts of simple battery.

Scranton and Old Jesup roads: The driver of a Chevrolet Blazer was swerving all over the road in the middle of the afternoon, at one point nearly smashing into an oncoming car. One conscientious motorist had seen enough at that point, and used his cellphone to alert police of the driver’s mindless meanderings. The resulting traffic stop landed the 72-year-old man in jail for DUI and failure to maintain a lane.

2000 block of Demere Road: A concerned citizen approached a patrol officer in the One Stop store’s parking lot after dark, apparently to share concerns about a possible drunk driver. The cop confirmed it, taking a 60-year-old man to jail for DUI and failure to maintain a lane.

1507 Gloucester St.: Even though he was warned not to step foot on the Discount Liquor premises lest he be tossed in jail, this one dude showed up in the parking lot once again. Management called the cops. The cops took the 42-year-old vexing vagrant to jail, charged with criminal trespass.

U.S. Highway 17 and New Hope Road: A distracted dimwit deviated from the roadway in the midnight hour, crashing his Nissan Sentra into the adjacent tree line. One officer was already on scene, watching as the sucker sloshed around in shin-deep ditchwater, fumbling with a tow strap. An arriving cop asked the cop on scene if alcohol and recreational drug use may have had a hand in this sad scenario. “Oh, yea,” the first officer replied to the second. It was jail time for the 41-year-old fool: DUI/Alcohol, DUI/Drugs and failure to maintain a lane. Oh, yeah.

601 Gloucester St.: A sad sack was stumbling around the City Hall parking lot, “trying to open vehicle doors and causing a scene,” police reported. Police arrested the 52-year-old for public drunkenness and having an open container of alcohol.

Fired Up

1900 block of M Street: Police were alerted that a break-in was going down in the neighborhood. They discovered instead that some marauder “had fired several shots through the front door” of an apartment unit. Police are investigating.

Smash-up

Altama Avenue and R Street: When a cop tried to stop a vehicle for a traffic violation in the wee hours, the driver took off. The scoundrel smashed into another vehicle at the intersection of Norwich Street, then hopped out of the car and ran out of sight. The officer recovered a cellphone, “and several other identifying objects.” It was about then that the actual owner of the vehicle called police to report it stolen. Still, police know who the reckless jerk is.

Lanier Boulevard: A patrol officer encountered a vehicle crashed into a drainage ditch before dawn. As officers were looking it over, the vehicle’s owner called to report it stolen.

3400 block of Franklin Avenue: A crazed kook crashed into another vehicle, then split the scene before the cops got there. The car was unregistered, uninsured and its license plate belonged on another vehicle. Shortly afterward, a woman called and claimed ownership of the vehicle, which she said had recently been stolen.

Stonewall and I streets: Two vehicles collided on the day shift, inveigling one vehicle to capsize. The crash’s participants were fortunate: “No report of injuries,” police reported.

Hit and Run

Parkwood Drive and Altama Avenue: A woman stopped her vehicle for the red light, but the driver behind her did not stop in time. After crashing into the back of her vehicle, the jerk drove away.

Fire

Sidney Lanier Bridge: A vehicle caught fire near the Sidney Lanier Bridge. Police responded and so did the fire department, which extinguished said fire. The burnt vehicle was towed away.

Theft

2000 block of Gloucester Street: Verbatim from city police: “Male stated someone took 3 bikes off of his porch last week, put them back, and has stolen them again.”

Gould Street: A woman received packages containing Maui Jim sunglasses and a robe in her home’s mailbox in the early morning. Then a Hyundai pulled up, a blonde woman jumped out, swiped the packages from the mailbox, hopped back in the Hyundai and skirted away. The home’s security video captured the whole sordid incident, which the woman showed to the cops. Hopefully, it is only a matter of time before they catch Blondie.

100 Old Jesup Road: Again. A woman drove up to a convenience store late at night, went inside and played one of the video games in back. She came back out a short time later to find her 2012 Volkswagen Beetle was nowhere to be found. The same thing happened last week to a guy at another convenience store. Police are reviewing the store’s security surveillance and are after the sorry crook.

3400 Cypress Mill Road: A vehicle went missing from a car lot. Police found it elsewhere in town. It was processed and returned to the car lot.

500 block of Norwich Street: Bandits hacked off the lock on a shipping container that a man kept in his back yard to store stuff. The creeps absconded with about $1,500 worth of the man’s stuff, he told police.

If They Ask For Money, Just Hang Up

College Park Drive: Verbatim from city police reports: “Caller advised she was a victim to fraud via a telephone call she received, but before she realized it was fake she had already given $1,000.”

— Larry Hobbs

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