Dear Dr. Wallace:
My boyfriend joined the military seven months ago. We agreed that we would write to each other weekly and I have done that faithfully. My concern is that I don’t have any feelings for him anymore. In fact, if he were to come home on leave, I wouldn’t waste his time by going out with him. I know I should write and tell him how I feel, but writing such a letter to a guy in the military is not a very patriotic thing to do. I need your help!
— Marie, Peoria, Ill.
Dear Marie: Patriotism has nothing to do with this. You owe him the truth, so that he will know how things truly are and will be free to date others. To give him false hope would be cruel. Write the letter today and wish him well.
Dear Dr. Wallace: My boyfriend and I dated for almost 2 years, until he ended our relationship because I had become a domineering, nasty person. The breakup was a “blessing in disguise.” It gave me time to reflect on the relationship. At the time of our split, I didn’t realize my behavior was so negative. Since then I’ve been soul-searching and now admit I was not a pleasant young woman. I’ve learned from this experience and now feel like I’ve matured mentally and won’t be making the same mistakes again.
I love this guy very, very much and I know he loves me, too. I want another chance to be with him because he is the most wonderful guy on the planet. What do you think I can do to get him back?
— One sorry girl, Philadelphia, Pa.
Dear Sorry: Write him a note with an appropriate card and mail it to him immediately. Tell him what you’ve told me here and add that you love him and miss him very much. Then ask him to give you a telephone call. I’m pretty sure he will call you promptly, and the rest is up to you.
Dear Dr. Wallace: Teri was my best friend for over 10 years, but last year we stopped doing things together because she spent most of her time with her new boyfriend and his friends. She also had started hanging around with some people I didn’t have anything in common with since they were into things I don’t approve of.
Last week she called and invited me to attend her birthday party. I was surprised because I honestly thought she had forgotten all about me. I told her I would try to make it, but now I’m not sure I want to go. Her new friends will be there and I really don’t want to be associated with them. Would it be rude of me to not show up? I still like this girl as a friend, but since we now have so little in common, I know we will never be close again.
Dear Nameless: Go to her birthday party. If you wind up feeling uncomfortable, you can always leave early. You might be surprised though, because some friendships manage to survive many ups and downs and end up lasting a lifetime. This could be the start of a new connection with your old friend.
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